I shouldn't have sex when I'm drunk

I can't stop thinking about A and how I can remember only half the night and I never even saw his dick but I know he had really smooth balls and I wish his twitter wasn't private so I could stalk him better.

I wish I could sleep but all I think about is Sunday night. I was this way with D, too, and that's gone away, so I'm hoping this subsides. 

And M and I are talking again, so there's that. Great. 

I smell like latex and regret. 

I was hoping tonight could be the night. But R2 is coming after all. Damn. 

The ever-present idiocy

I should be sleeping instead of waiting for a text that will never come 

Well.

I think M cheated on me with R. I guess I don't have a right to be particularly angry, especially because of D and everything, but still. I wouldn't have expected him to do that. Plus I think R told him that I am considering the break up when I was on vacation. I don't think R was really my friend in the end, which sucks major dick. She just left for a job in DC and I was sad to see her go but now I'm kind of over it. I thought I really had a friend here, and once again, I was wrong. I do still have V but she doesn't know my life right now like R did. Ugh. I want to go back home but there's nothing for me there besides loneliness and eventual depression.

I had a dream last night that M told me about R and that he also slept with C but I only told him about C this morning. Then I saw him texting R while we were watching a movie. I am a horrible girlfriend but I need to know what he said because he kept his phone very private after that. Again, I know I don't have a right to be angry or upset but I am. 

No more

It's was exciting, it was risky, it was new. We were gonna go again but D backed out. I almost tried to coerce him but then I realized how horrible that is. I wish we could do it again. But now I know more than ever that M and I won't last much longer. I'm a bad person but I liked the new experience. 

Cheater

I can't stop thinking about last night. I really enjoyed it. D seemed to enjoy it. We talked this morning and as I left I said 'See ya later' and he replied '...in bed' soo maybe he is real about doing it again. I just wish I could talk to someone about it. We agreed that it would stay between us but I just don't know if I can keep it buried. T keeps telling me about her night last night with R and C and how guilty/not guilty she feels and I feel the exact same way but I really can't tell her. Ugh. I don't regret it. I just don't like that we did it with M in the same house.